I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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