Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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