i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
