she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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