I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Randomize
