that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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