My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
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