Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
