ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
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