Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
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