i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
