i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
