She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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