I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
