We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
