We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
