i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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