these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize