Only a mothe r could love this liver
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
