i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
never play flip cup with pint glasses
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
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