it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I love how my cats smell like pot.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize