I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
