I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
