This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
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Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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