Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
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