Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Randomize
