Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Soap is not a condiment
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
