Swine flu. Run for my life!
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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