Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
