Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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