I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
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