Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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