what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
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If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
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Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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