he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize