The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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