we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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