Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
