STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Randomize
