Me too!
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Randomize
