Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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