i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Are we still banned from the library?
NoShamevember. You game?
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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