wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
