Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
