My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
