I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
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