Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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