Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
