He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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