Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Randomize
