So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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