i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
