I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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