The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
