I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
