dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Randomize
