dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
