Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
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