Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Randomize
