his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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