apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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