yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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