make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
