After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
