I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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