Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
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She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
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She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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