What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
