I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
